


meme

by gryffindormischief



Series: Harry Potter AUs! [33]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24483430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindormischief/pseuds/gryffindormischief
Summary: prompt: when one person's face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead (Muggle AU)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Harry Potter AUs! [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/817470
Comments: 18
Kudos: 53





	meme

**Author's Note:**

> petalstofish and i basically wrote this by accident in a text message thread. it is truly a gift from that beautiful mind. we had super fun writing, so i hope you do the same while reading.

Lily Evans is not happy.

Which is odd because generally speaking she’s a pretty genial sort. But even the most devil-may-care among us occasionally face circumstances that dampen their spirits. And as it turns out, the stock market, asinine comments from professors, and a general overuse of the analytical bits of her brain in recent days have led her to the current grumpy state of things. Complete with wrinkled forehead, scrunched nose, and slim shoulders risen to ears.

And if there’s one thing that James Potter cannot abide, it’s wrinkled forehead, scrunched nose, shoulders in ears Lily. Not because of any issues with attraction or supportiveness. James Potter is two things wholeheartedly - one, perpetually infatuated with one Lily Evans and two, fully supportive of her slightly crazed focus on intellectual pursuits. In fact, the second relates back to the first in worrying degree. 

Still, when he begins to think he can actually see the knots forming in her shoulders and the ‘crazed focus’ turns to ‘stressed ball of rage,’ he’s physically incapable of not stepping in.

So on one such Tuesday evening, James Potter tugs her rolling desk chair back from the kitchen table (a horrible interior design combination that sets his artistic senses roiling) and presses a short kiss to her crinkled forehead. “Alright, Evans?”

In return, he simply receives a grunt with no visual or audible response beyond. Even her eyes, normally sparkling with some sort of lovely emotion, are dead. 

That just won’t do, so he leans in for a quick peck to the tip of her nose. 

This finally brings a bit of clarity to her expression, like the clouds clear from her ‘limpid pool like’ green eyes (there was a time she definitely slugged him for saying that) and then her lips part and she lets out a low, terrifying growl. “Fucking memes. Who the bloody hell says ‘more memes’ as damn academic feedback?”

James scratches the back of his head, face twisted into a confused grimace. “I dunno. Maybe your professor doesn’t get all this stuff either?” 

He gestures vaguely toward the textbooks, printed outlines graffitied with scrawled notes, color coded flash cards, and more than a few empty packets of jelly babies. Enough of the latter that James is fairly certain Lily’s veins may by flowing with a slightly more gelatinous version of lifeblood. That’s how it works, right?

Lily slumps and lets her head droop backward so the weight of it sends her chair rolling aimlessly. “He said my last presentation was ‘boring and out of touch with reality’.”

James scoffs, “you’re the most in touch with reality you’ve ever been but I will agree that you are a bit boring.”

Lily shoves him back in retaliation, “I am not boring!”

“You talk about the stock market at tea now.”

Her face pales, “oh God, I’m turning into my sister.” 

It’s James’ turn to wrinkle his nose, “you are most definitely  _ not _ your sister.” 

“Do you know anyone else who talks stocks at tea?”

“Yeah, your sister's husband.”

Lily smacks her hand on her forehead, “oh God, I’m becoming Vernon!” 

It’s really too funny, and if Lily could pull herself from the haze of academic frustration and massacred gummy candies, she’d probably find the whole situation amusing. But in her current state, one which James has come to know arises from time to time when the rigors of her degree rear their ugly heads, he’s learned laughing matters do not always allow for laughter. Not if one wishes to keep one’s head in place. So he opts for dry humor that hopefully provides the appropriate level of commiseration combined with lightness that will bring Lily back from the brink of murdering her professor in the car park. “Memes are known as the gritty, worldly representation of our times. A true academic would know this instead of obsessing over understanding the stock market.”

She blinks at him, no break in her grumpy demeanor, and he knows his joke has fallen flat before Lily even speaks. “Excuse me, I understand it just fine.”

Fix it James, fix it before you’re the one being murdered in the car park. “I mean me, your cute, befuddled and artistically inclined fiance.”

That turns her from blind rage to a lower simmering anger, one that allows for her contemplative and plotting wheels to begin turning. And then she focuses on him with single minded purpose. “You should be making me memes.”

James blinks and dusts his knuckles over his t-shirt, which would seem much more posh if the image of an iron on Keyboard Cat didn’t rest just inches below his fingers. “I charge for commissions you know.”

Lily spares him half a glance before she shoves to her feet and clicks the kettle on a bit more vehemently than strictly necessary. “It’s bloody dividend cuts, James - HOW COULD MY PROFESSOR MARK ME DOWN BECAUSE I DIDN'T INCLUDE CARTOONS IN A GRADUATE LEVEL PRESENTATION?”

When he reaches to turn her from angry contemplation of the rain streaked window, she’s little more pliant, even tilting her face to his when he nudges her chin. Accepting the press of his lips to hers, just a short, sweet thing. 

James brings his brow to hers while his palms brace on either side of her hips. “Lily I am trying to understand, but also I think it’s clear that I do not understand.”

For the first time, she does grin and some of the clouds seem to clear from her eyes. Ah, best not to contemplate those long enough to travel back down the ‘limpid pools’ route, especially when progress is being made. Lily pats his cheek and resumes her work preparing tea, pulling mugs, spoons, and all other necessary implements from their hiding places in the tiny kitchenette. “It's OK James. You’re the looks and I’m the brains.”

Choosing to accept the jibe as a compliment - no one said James had a problem with confidence - he nods and pushes himself up onto the countertop. “I will be the first artist in history to claim my own undeniable beauty as inspiration for my greatest works.”

“James you draw me more than anything...”

He shrugs, busying himself with opening the honey jar. Lily’s apparently not content to let it drop. “Especially my tits.”

“Only because I don't have any,” James supplies easily as the hot water blooms dark and the air fills with the scent of bergamot, “Because if I had tits they would be amazing.”

At this pronouncement, he finds Lily’s movements have stilled, spoonful of sugar hovering over her mug while she stares at his chest. Like she’s trying to picture him as is, just with the addition of breasts. For all his mind is creative, he can’t quite decide what size breasts he’d have and for some reason, it seems like Lily’d be the best person to answer the question.

Though this is almost certainly something drunk Sirius has contemplated and decided with absolute certainty. 

Lily shakes away the cobwebs and stirs sugar into her tea, eyes wide and expectant. “So the meme thing?”

James swirls honey into the dark depths of his tea and shakes his head, rueful. “If I do free consults my artistic brand is worthless.”

Snatching the pack of custard creams off the countertop, Lily storms toward the living area and grumbles back over her shoulder. “Fine...well I no longer do free artistic head scratches.”

James follows in her wake, pausing only to ensure the kettle’s been flicked off. The only thing worse than the stress of academia is the flat burning down around your ears. “Your threats are as meaningless as these memes you need for a PowerPoint.”

Lily’s frown deepens into a scowl, though it’s comfortingly aimed at the world in general and not James in particular, as she grumbles around a mouthful of tea and biscuit. “It’s a graduate level class James, graduate level. It’s supposed to be boring!”

He wrenches apart the custard cream with an expert twist-then-pull motion and dunks the custard-free half in his tea. “Lily these are nerd memes we’re talking about...it’s still boring.”

Eyes narrowing, Lily’s formerly generic anger is definitely all James all the time right now. “See now you’re going to lose tit privileges.”

“But my nude study!”

Her grin is feral and dangerous. It would be enticing if he weren’t watching his actual muse drift away like errant crumbs from his custard cream, lazily abandoned to the nap of their grey-beige carpet. “Yes...all ‘nude studies’ will be suspended.”

He’s not completely artistically focused though, and certain bits of James are forever susceptible to the wiles of Lily Evans (hopefully Potter once they’re both graduated) and he can’t help leaning forward with a lilt of flirtation in his voice. “Are you trading your body for memes, Lily?”

“We live in the darkest timeline James,” Lily says with a sigh, though her voice is a little strained, eyes warm with want. 

Perhaps their foreplay really is as odd as Sirius says.

James leans backward, tossing one leg over the arm of the couch and doing that little eyebrow quirk Lily’s angrily admitted makes her feel things. “I guess I’ll have to go old school and have Sirius pose nude.”

Lily’s cheeks warm. “And the breasts?”

He’s positively eating this up now. “I have an imagination Lil.”

“That you use to picture Sirius with my breasts?” 

“As you said, we’re living in a dark timeline,” James ruffles his hair and pushes his mug onto the end table so it settles in the ring stained into the surface the second day they owned it two semeseters ago, “the stock market could crash tomorrow and we might have to live off my commissions.”

“Ah yes,” Lily slowly licks the exposed cream from her cookie, gaze never leaving his, “rake in that dough with custom stock market memes.”

He kind of can’t breathe and he may be having a heart attack. Still, his sass ability will be pried from his cold, dead hands. “People need laughter and I am a connoisseur of humor.”

There’s a sense of triumph in his chest when Lily makes the first move, rising from her chair, dish in hand, and leans over to breathe in his ear, “Hey connoisseur of humor, start drawing me some memes.” 

She’s gone before he can get his brain to grind into gear which quells the victorious feeling of only moments before. He’s such a sucker. So soon enough he’s following her into the kitchen like a needy puppy, “I need inspiration.”

Once she’s deposited the first round of dishes on the counter, James crowds her back against their rainbow sticky-note wall. It’s got everything from running grocery lists, to ‘gag worthy’ love notes, to James’ half arsed doodles that Lily gets oddly sentimental about. She stammers a bit, neck craned to look up at him, before she eventually gathers herself. “We’re living in a pandemic. The market is the lowest it’s been in decades. There’s your inspiration.”

He tries the kiss thing again, forehead, nose - this is where her eyes flutter shut and he knows progress is being made - and finally her lips. When he pulls away, Lily nearly moans at the loss as he murmurs, “See now you’re just making me sad with things I don’t even really get - low market?”

She laughs and he feels the rumble as he picks his way over the delicate skin of her neck, nuzzling, nipping, teasing. It’s not until he reaches her collar bone that he continues, “I understand it’s bad but also why? What are these numbers Lily?” his hands push the hem of her jumper and with a little help Lily hooks her leg around his waist, “Who makes them up? What the hell do bears have to do with any of it?”

“It’s math, James,” Lily sighs, rolling her hips against his.

James returns his lips to Lily’s and she deepens the kiss, only to be thwarted when he wriggles enough to request removal of some clothing. She divests him of his t-shirt and then quickly begins exploring his newly exposed chest. Part of him would like to just table the discussion for later (or never) but he’s got two motivations for continuing. First, Lily will be truly enraged if he goads her into abandoning her work too soon, and second, there really is something to their weird not-really-foreplay foreplay that makes it all the more satisfying when they go for it. So he continues running his fingers over her skin in circuits and extends the conversation, “I skipped all of maths and my teacher passed me only because she never wanted to see me again.”

“It’s a good thing I love you or I’d hate you sometimes. Damn artsy jock getting passed because of nepotism,” Lily growls.

“I dunno, I think you enjoy posing,” James laughs against her lips, “And the physical benefits of my ‘jock’ superlative.”

“Of all sports, Hockey really shouldn’t make me all hot and bothered,” Lily grunts as her hands squeeze his buns, “But you’re just so obnoxiously attractive with all the skating and the muscles  _ and the hair _ .”

James muffles his moan against her shoulder, taking a long, steadying breath that somehow provides the super human ability to pull away. Which is difficult on a personal desire level and also in terms of his inclination for self preservation because Lily truly looks like she might off him.

“I’ve heard the obnoxious bit from said maths teacher,” he slowly disentangles them, “But the attractive note is a nice addition.”

“Where are you going James?” Lily practically whines and hell she’s quite hard to say no to.

But he must, for the sake of future James’ continued inhabitance of the land of the living and also Lily’s GPA.

So James grasps her hands in his and pushes his forehead against hers. “I never thought I would say this, but before we shag, you need to work on your meme library.”

With an almighty groan, Lily complies, and James puts the kettle on again. One mugful’s worth of caffeine is not going to get them through the evening.

While he prepares their tea once again, this time swapping out Earl Grey for Oolong, Lily settles back in with her laptop and notes. It does seem that the mini break loosened the muscles in her shoulders, brought them down from round her ears. She’s chuckling as she scrolls through Google when he wanders over, steaming mugs in hand.

James claims a seat next to her, setting their mugs down before tossing one arm over the back of Lily’s chair so he can lean in close and offer his artist’s eye. Although in meme territory his penchant for immature humor is probably more useful. 

It’s all quite relaxing and even a bit fun as they nudge each other, drawing attention to particularly funny ones that Lily begins saving to a folder marked ‘mArKET MemES FOr CRaZY’. Until Lily clicks to load the next section and James’ gasp results in still hot tea rocketing its way up through his sinuses.

Luckily, he manages not to spray the honeyed drink all over the computer, but it does take him a moment to recover. LIly’s staring at him wide eyed and patting his back comfortingly when he finally manages to choke out, “That - that meme is from a damn porno!” 

She offers him a tea towel and once she’s content he’s not having a seizure, turns back to the indicated image. “Uh do you know this from personal experience or was that something you discovered from context?”

James swipes at his nose before removing his glasses to clear the lenses. “I’m reading between the lines, Lily.”

“This is a meme. There’s two lines and a picture.”

“A picture’s worth a thousand words.”

Lily rolls her lips, contemplative, then takes a long drag from her mug. “I wonder,” she taps her chin, “I wonder if you could make the ‘in front of my salad’ meme fit my presentation,” she turns to him, distressingly gleeful, “I could see how many porn memes I can shove in here before my professor drops me from the course and I get called to the Dean’s office.”

A laugh rises from his chest like a surprise and James can’t help but goad her, “The virtual Dean’s office you mean - getting suspended is much more fun if your face looks like a potato.”

Lily saves the ‘porn meme’ and continues her scrolling, “Are you somehow speaking from personal experience?”

“Nah, just that good ol’ imagination of mine at work again,” James says, tapping his temple and leaning in close.

Eventually, she reaches the end of the stock market memes, which is odd because it feels like the internet is infinite, and also not too surprising because how much more niche can you get. She’s pulled up PowerPoint gets the slides opened in mass editor mode and pauses to survey them like a brooding monarch assessing the troops. “Okay but how many memes per slide is too many?”

James shakes his head, “The limit does not exist.”

Lily’s eyes light, “Damn you, that’s a good meme too. I’m putting it on the stock market crash slide.”

Elbowing her side excitedly, James nearly prods the screen in his haste - only stopping at Lily’s ‘don’t put your mitts on my baby’ look - and indicates the tab for transitions. “You should do some flashy animations - imagine Caveman Spongebob flying in from off screen - oh shit can we add cheesy glitter clip art?”

Her grin matches his own, oh hell she would have been a worthy comrade in primary, “Yes. Also I’m definitely citing every meme in full APA style.”

James smacks a kiss on her lips and she smiles even wider, “My citation slides alone will make up half the slideshow.” 

He gets swept up, throwing out ideas and pulling up photoshop on his computer to craft some truly horrendous comedy in meme form, mind whirring with ideas. “Ok picture this...ending with The Most Interesting Man in the World - ‘I don’t always use memes in a presentation, but when I do it's because my professor is barmy.”

“You’re fucking brilliant James - you get to stay.”

And he does stay, well into the early hours. Past one when Lily inhales an entire bag of crisps and begins ranting about inflation, and half past two when she bellows louder than a fog horn in the moment she believes her entire presentation has been deleted, and finally quarter of four when she finally hits save, confirms her Most Interesting Man meme has in fact been removed, and finally re-titles the presentation, forgoing the original moniker, ‘here’s some memes arsehole.’

In all that time, he does spell and grammar checks, offers the ‘layman’s’ point of view, rubs shoulders, brews tea, even finds a roll of cookie dough in the back of the icebox and bakes it up fresh. They consider the presentation from all angles, test it out, and even set it to auto play like they’re watching a film, complete with fresh popcorn.

After, he expects a long lie in, late and very unhealthy breakfast, some sort of afternoon frolic in bed - or maybe a revisit of the whole wall bit - post-late breakfast, and then probably a kip in the fading sunlight like they’re a couple of prissy cats.

He does not expect to wake at ten-oh-five in the morning with Lily’s mobile pressed against his nose, blue light sending his already haywire eyesight into worse disarray. “Uh Lily dear. I can’t read a word.”

She shoves his glasses into his hand and he drags them onto his face, smudgy but good enough to do the job. 

Still, it takes a moment for his gaze to focus and when he does, the laughter that bubbles out of his chest must be a mixture of post-all-nighter insanity and complete incredulity at the state of the world. 

Right there glowing at him in boring Arial font on Lily’s school email app lies a message from her professor. No ‘Hello Lily’, no ‘Dear Ms. Evans’ not even an auto signature. Just four uncapitalized words like she’s shoved a bored academic already skidding on a banana peel into a midlife crisis right over into the despair of an old crusty man - ‘no more memes please.’


End file.
